Report on My Interviews

Well, both of my interviews have happened, here are some of the findings on writing in the field of Optics from Dr. Kupinski and Dr. Sasian.

Tumisu. "Interview Job Icon Job Interview Conversation" 12/23/15 via Pixabay. Public Domain.

Different Genres:

• popular articles 
• Consist of research findings presented to interested people but are not necessarily in the field.  
• The purpose of these articles is the whet the appetites of students or interested individuals and get them thinking about optics. 
• research proposals
• proposals for research written to sponsors to persuade them to support their research
• proposals are submitted, rejected, reworked and submitted again and again until they are accepted
• conferences
• generally have oral presentations on their research
• opportunity to network with other professionals or students

Challenges in writing:

Both Dr. Kupinski and Dr. Sasian expressed challenges in writing to external audiences. Dr. Kupinski revealed that she writes to audiences that are not experts in the field by imagining her days as an undergrad and explaining in a way her undergrad self would be able to understand.

Reward in writing:

In addition to his research, Dr. Sasian teaches graduate level optical engineering classes. He said that students are most of the rewarding audiences to talk to because they are fresh and bright. He says he enjoys the way their faces light up when they learn things they are actually interested in because they are in classes they choose instead of mandatory courses.

Mass media:

Popular articles can be found in mass media. These can be in the form of 30-second news segments on new technology that involves optics. More likely, mass media will contain news about ethics or context surrounding optics projects/research.

Academic Discourse & Genre

This is the Nature Photonics issue I took my photo with in the previous post. Here is analysis of the different genres in the March issue:

Nature Photonics. "2016| Volume 10" 2/15/16 via nature.com.

Genres:

There are five main sections in the journal with different purposes and intended audiences:

• Editorial: Talks about current events in the "Scientific community and Society"- intended to set the publication in context with current events
• Correspondence: Researchers respond to questions(the title of the article is the question they are answering) by other researchers by showing their work- the intended audience is directly to the person/organization that asked a question
•  News: speaks of recent discoveries and the intended course of action- intended audience is broader as the articles consist of significantly less technical jargon and is easier to understand
•  Letters: address general topics in the field of optics or related fields- the audience is an expert in the field but not necessarily the topic as the letters are less specific than the articles 
•  Articles: focuses on specific concentrations in the field of optics-the audience is an expert in the field who focuses on the same concentration as the article

From Academia to Social Media

I choose an author out of the issue of Nature Photonics randomly and did a background search to get an idea of who they are as a professional and individual.

Howie, Jason. "Social Media Apps" 3/23/13 via Flickr. Attribution 2.0 Generic.

Felix Joseph Heremans:

Social Media:

• LinkedIn page
• Facebook page
• Youtube account

Dr. Herman's LinkedIn page is descriptive and recently updated.

Dr. Heremans' facebook consists mostly of his personal life. It looks like he travels frequently with his wife. He does not post any controversial pictures or articles that can jeopardize his professional standing.

His Youtube account does not have any videos created by him and it seems he uses it to keep up with his subscriptions. He subscribes to a lot of nature/hunting/camping and technology channels.

Dr. Hermans' persona in social media is mostly his personal life and is separate from his professional persons(besides his LinkedIn). He posts vacation photos and a lot of amazing nerdy poetry. However, looking back at the publication he was in in the latest issue of Nature Photonics, I noticed he was one of six authors. I searched his facebook for his fellow authors and found he is facebook friends with half of them.

Rhetorical Analysis of Academic Journal

Nature Photonics is one of the top journals in optical engineering. Unfortunately, the U of A Library does not carry hard copies of the journal, but they have monthly electronic copies dating back from 2006. Here is the most recent issue, published in March of 2016.

Authors in this issue:

• Lei Wu, Yonghao Zhang, Yian Lei & Jason M. Reese
• Tengfei Zhang, Huicong Chang, Yingpeng Wu, Peishuang Xiao, Ningbo Yi, Yanhong Lu, Yanfeng Ma, Yi Huang, Kai Zhao, Yongsheng Chen, Xiao-Qing Yan, Zhi-Bo Liu & Jian-Guo Tian
• Sarah Kurtz, Harry Atwater, Angus Rockett, Tonio Buonassisi, Christiana Honsberg & John Benner
• Ole Sigmund, Jakob S. Jensen & Lars H. Frandsen
• Bing Shen, Peng Wang, Randy Polson & Rajesh Menon
• Alexander Y. Piggott, Jesse Lu, Konstantinos G. Lagoudakis, Jan Petykiewicz, Thomas M. Babinec & Jelena Vučković
• Lachlan Rogers & Fedor Jelezko
• Nick Hartmann & James M. Glownia
• Daniele Faccio
• Seamus Holden & Daniel Sage
• Noriaki Horiuchi
• F. Fras, Q. Mermillod, G. Nogues, C. Hoarau, C. Schneider, M. Kamp, S. Höfling, W. Langbein & J. Kasprzak
• Sabine Keiber, Shawn Sederberg, Alexander Schwarz, Michael Trubetskov, Volodymyr Pervak, Ferenc Krausz & Nicholas Karpowicz
• Kevin A. Fischer, Kai Müller, Armand Rundquist, Tomas Sarmiento, Alexander Y. Piggott, Yousif Kelaita, Constantin Dory, Konstantinos G. Lagoudakis & Jelena Vučković
• Piotr Ryczkowski, Margaux Barbier, Ari T. Friberg, John M. Dudley & Goëry Genty
• T. J. Hammond, Graham G. Brown, Kyung Taec Kim, D. M. Villeneuve & P. B. Corkum
• K. C. Prince, E. Allaria, C. Callegari, R. Cucini, G. De Ninno, S. Di Mitri, B. Diviacco, E. Ferrari, P. Finetti, D. Gauthier, L. Giannessi, N. Mahne, G. Penco, O. Plekan, L. Raimondi, P. Rebernik, E. Roussel, C. Svetina, M. Trovò, M. Zangrando, M. Negro, P. Carpeggiani, M. Reduzzi, G. Sansone, A. N. Grum-Grzhimailo, E. V. Gryzlova, S. I. Strakhova, K. Bartschat, N. Douguet, J. Venzke, D. Iablonskyi, Y. Kumagai, T. Takanashi, K. Ueda, A. Fischer, M. Coreno, F. Stienkemeier, Y. Ovcharenko, T. Mazza & M. Meyer
• Sunil Mittal, Sriram Ganeshan, Jingyun Fan, Abolhassan Vaezi & Mohammad Hafezi
• Christopher G. Yale, F. Joseph Heremans, Brian B. Zhou, Adrian Auer, Guido Burkard & David D. Awschalom
• Weilin Liu, Ming Li, Robert S. Guzzon, Erik J. Norberg, John S. Parker, Mingzhi Lu, Larry A. Coldren & Jianping Yao
• Chien-Hung Chiang & Chun-Guey Wu

The authors are mostly grad students. Others are research professors and some are in industry. These people also come from all over the world. As Nature Photonics is an international journal, the research come from many individuals of different countries.

Purpose and Audience:

The intended audience of the this publication are definitely experts in the field. When reading the summaries and abstracts of the different articles in the issue, high level terminology is used and builds upon the expectation that the reader already had knowledge in the field.

Context:

The editorial sets up the context of this specific issue. the editorial is titled "Identity Crisis" and it talks about a not-for-profit initiative called ORCID that was created in 2009. ORCID's purpose is to assign a unique 16-digit ID code to every researcher.

The idea is that many people have the same name, so identifying researchers by name alone is not sufficient to identify someone. Instead an ID number allows researchers to be "clearly identified and connected to their contributions across time, disciplines and borders" The initiative gained a lot of support and more than 250 countries have registered.

The purpose is to encourage the researcher in Nature Photonics to register with ORCID, as it is not yet mandatory for the journal like it is for journals like IEEE, PLoS, eLife, Science, and EMBO.

 Message:

The opening piece of the issue about ORCID was written to persuade researchers into registering. Its message was towards the scientific community and the sharing/identification of research.

The actual articles had the message of presenting research and educating other experts in the field. 

Purpose:

Most of the content were correspondence articles which are reaction texts to question sin previous issues. Researchers would choose a question to answer, title their article with that question and show the answer with their research. These responses are intended for the original questioner, which means they are written to fellow experts in the field and concentration.

There were also a lot of news articles that are intended for people with less knowledge in the field. They consist of recent discoveries or massive breakthroughs. However, these news articles are less research papers but more summary and communication.

My Interviewees as Professional Writers

Here are descriptions of the specific type of research Dr. Meredith Kupinsky and Dr. Jose Saisian are involved in.

Albertella, Paul. "Alien Research Lab" 10/20/13 via Flickr. Attribution 2.0 Generic.

Dr. Meredith Kupinski

Dr. Kupinski travels frequently, around every 6 weeks, to attend conferences or seminars. She gives a lot of presentations and interviews. She also writes two or three professional research papers a year.

Professional Publications:

• Seminar: Estimation Tasks in Emission Tomography (8/10/12)
• summary
• Tomographic imaging in clinical uses: Dr, Kupinski takes many images at a bunch of different angles and reconstructs the angular samples into images that are quantitatively accurate. This allows her to have a more accurate estimation of the diagnosis so doctors can treat it more effectively. This type of estimation imaging also works in "real time" so the images are generated quickly. 
• Research Experience for Teachers(RET)- An NSF-funded research experience for teachers that offers high scool science teachers from Native American Reservations a summer sabbatical at the University of Arizona
• context
• medium- oral presentation with PowerPoint
• audience- R.I.T upper level undergrad to grad students/interested faculty members- most likely in engineering and image science
• Where- Center for Imaging Sciences at R.I.T.
• overall message
• present recent research on imaging tomography
• educational outreach to Native American teachers to improve STEM education on reservations- slides at tend of presentation detailing program
• allow students and teachers alike to preserve culture and traditions while still studying STEM
• talk about career and how she got into the work she is in- inspire students to pursue what they love
• purpose
• convince people of the significance of tomography in clinical uses
• raise awareness of education outreach work with Native Americans

• Interview: Teachers' Voices with Ofelia Zepeda and Meredith Kupinski (7/5/12)
• summary
• Introduce a NSF funded program to give k-12 science teachers research opportunities in labs at the U of A in order to promote STEM education
• context
• medium- audio interview
• audience- listeners of Arizona Public Media which is located in Tucson. The audience may be confined tot he Tucson area.
• where- Arizona Public Media
• overall message
• Promote STEM education for k-12 students by encouraging the teachers to value and participate in research

Dr. Jose Sasian

Dr. Sasian participates in a lot of research and he teaches in graduate level photonics classes at the U of A.

Professional Publications:

• University lecture: OPTI 517 Lens Design(Fall 2015)
• summary- Lecture notes, homework assignments, and course syllabus/expectations
• context
• medium- online, published through the Optics college at the University of Arizona
• audience- graduate students studying optics and photonics
• purpose- class details, resources and expectations

• Book: Introduction to Aberrations in Optical Imaging Systems (2/25/13)
• summary- book on the theory of aberrations
• context
• medium- textbook
• audience- grad students in optical engineering, researchers and technicians in academia or industry
• published by Cambridge University Press located in the UK
• purpose- information and education aimed at experts or high level students in the field of optics

My Discipline

As the overarching question for this project is to determine how professionals in optics communicate to different audiences, let's take a look at some of the leaders in the field of optics and their places in mass media. 

go_nils. "Fiber Optics" 2/11/9 via Flickr. Attribution-ShareAlike 2.0 Generic.

1) What do students optical engineering learn how to do?

Students in optics learn how to manipulate light. They can learn about creating or engineering materials to preform specific light related tasks. They can learn about integrating optical design into mechanical systems. Or, they can learn about integrating optics in electronics.

2) What do people who get degrees in optics usually go on to do for work?

Graduates can do anything from working with medical imaging to analyzing artwork with lasers. They can also work for defense contractors and the military. Furthermore, there are many opportunities in astronomy and satellite technologies.

3) What drew you to this field?

I remember a day in physics 2 during high school when we started talking about light. My teacher had just revealed the dual nature of light as both a particle and wave. I remember being stunned after that revelation and went home that night to talk to my father about how strange light was. He told me that there was an entire field dedicated to studying light and its applications: optical engineering.

I remember googling optics and coming across satellites and amazing satellite designs that incorporated origami! As origami has always been a passion of mine, I immediately learned how to fold self-collapsing and self-expanding satellites using the Miura fold along with the math behind it.

I knew I wanted to study in a field that has a wide variety of applications and purposes. Optics appeals to me because it is so vast and has crazy things like light and origami that I cannot wait to learn about!!

4) Name three of the leaders/most exciting people involved in this field right now in 2016. Why are they interesting or exciting to you? 

• Robert Lang- Robert Lang is one of the first to integrate mathematics deeply with origami. Through his research with origami, he has come up with many usages of origami in engineering. He helped the Lawrence Livermore National Laboratory in Livermore, California design crease patterns and methods of folding optical lenses for the Eyeglass telescope, a  massive telescope that can be folded and launched into space.
• General Electric- GE is a leader in medical imaging. Medical imaging is extremely important as it is a non-invasive method of diagnosing conditions. They are currently working on a new Revolution CT scanner that allows doctors to take detailed images of beating hearts, lungs, liver and other organs. The pictures they produce are amazing and detail much more than what was previously possible.
• International Society for Optics and Photonics(SPIE)- SPIE is a non-profit professional society. It is an extremely large network of technical conferences, exhibitions, and educational programs for R&D in optics. SPIE publishes peer-reviewed scientific journals and many other resources.

4) What are the names of three leading academic/scholarly journals in your field? Where are they published? 

• Nature Photonics- published by the Nature Publishing Group which originated in the UK
• Optics Express- published by OSA, the Optical Society of America
• IEEE Journal of Quantum Electronics- published by the IEEE Photonics Society which originated in America 

My Interviewees on Social Media

Now it's time to do some (purely professional) cyber-stalking on the two people I am interviewing. Here is an in-depth analysis of Dr. Kupinsky and Dr. Saisian's professional social media presence.

Mkhmarketing. "The Art of Social Media" 7/31/11 via Flickr. Attribution 2.0 Generic.

Dr. Meredith Kupinsky, nee Meredith Whitaker

Social Media Networks:

• LinkedIn- (link)
• Facebook- (link)- Does not have a facebook but is part of an interview posted on the facebook of Arizona Public media

Presence in Social Media:
Dr. Kupinsky's presence in social media is very minimal. She created a LinkedIn but no other social media accounts. A professional interview she was in by Arizona Spotlight was posted on the facebook of Arizona Public Media. However, she does not have her own facebook.

Personas:
Dr. Kupinsky's interview involved her work in creating a program to engage Native American Kids in math and science. Her persona in social media is purely her professional work as Education Director in Optics at the U of A.

Dr. Jose Sasian

Social Media Networks:

• Youtube- (link)- A presentation in Spanish by Dr. Sasian on the Giant Magellan Telescope

Presence in Social Media:
Dr. Sasian's presence in social media is non-existent. He does not have a LinkedIn, facebook, twitter, or any other social media account. One of his presentations was uploaded to Youtube, but not by Dr. Sasian. His book is sold on Amazon, but he has no profile on Amazon.

Persons:
Dr. Sasian's presence in social media is completely professional and does not differ from his persona in the academic journals.

My Interview Subjects

As we are starting a new project that involves interviewing professionals in our fields, it is important to do preliminary research about their professional qualifications. It is also necessary to schedule times for interviews and generate questions tailored to each person.

photosteve100. "Business Calendar and Schedule" 1/11/12 via Flickr. Attribution 2.0 Generic

Dr. Meredith Kupinski

Work Experience:

• Image Quality Engineer at Kodak (1.75 years)
• Education Director at the U of A (2.75 years)
• Assistant Research Professor at the University of Arizona, College of Optical Sciences (2011-present)

Education:

• AA, San Francisco Art Institute, Photography (1998)
• BS, Rochester Institute of Technology, Imaging and Photographic Technologies (2001)
• MS, University of Arizona, Optical Sciences (2003)
• PhD, University of Arizona, Optical Sciences (2008)

Scheduled Meeting:

• Tuesday, February 23
• 2:00 PM
• Meinel 645

Interview Questions:

• How would you describe the work you do with the University of Arizona?
• How did you go from art school to optical engineering- How has your background prepared you for the writing you do now?
• What are some of the genres you write in during your work as Education Director and Research Professor?
• What are your favorite things to write?- Can you show me some examples?
• What does your writing process for [choose their favorite genre] look like?- focus on peer review and the research
• What kind of external audiences do you write for [conferences, popular articles, research proposals]
• What kind of internal audiences do you write for [OSA, professional papers]
• What are the most challenging audiences to write towards? What are some of the techniques you use to successfully communicate with said audiences?
• What role has social media played in your career and writing- Do you have a twitter, facebook, linkedin?
• What are the most common tools and software you use for [choose non-text based genres mentioned at the beginning of interview]
• Does procrastination play a role in your management of time?
• What is your favorite place to write?

Dr. Jose Sasian

Work Experience:

• Optician at the University of New Mexico, Institute of Astronomy (10 years)
• Technical staff at AT&T Bell Labs (5 years)
• Associate Professor at the University of Arizona, College of Optical Sciences and Department of Astronomy and Steward Observatory (6 years)
• Professor at the University of Arizona, College of Optical Sciences and Department of Astronomy and Steward Observatory (2001-present)

Education:

• BS, University of New Mexico (1982)
• MS, University of Arizona (1987)
• PhD, University of Arizona (1988)

Scheduled Meeting:

• Thursday, February 25
• 2:00 PM
• Meinel 735

Interview Questions:

• How would you describe the work you do with the University of Arizona?
• Can you give me a rundown of all the different types of writing you do in your job?
• What are your favorite things to write?
• What are the purposes of [his favorite genres]
• What does your writing process for [choose their favorite genre] look like?- focus on peer review and the research
• What kind of external audiences do you write for [conferences, popular articles, research proposals]
• What kind of internal audiences do you write for [OSA, professional papers]
• What are the most challenging audiences to write towards? What are some of the techniques you use to successfully communicate with said audiences?
• How has your writing developed over the course of your long and successful career?
• What are the most common tools and software you use for [choose non-text based genres mentioned at the beginning of interview]- what are the most unusual tools?
• Does procrastination play a role in your management of time?
• What is your favorite place to write?

Brutally Honest Self-Assessment

Here comes the fun part: Self- reflection. Self- Reflection, though it can be painful and make one feel terrible, is helpful for the future. So here it is:

Robiez, Antoine. "Distortion of Reality" 4/16/13 via Flickr. Attribution-NonCommercial 2.0 Generic.

1. How are you feeling about the project you just submitted for assessment? Give me your raw, unvarnished opinion of your own project overall.

I don't really know how I feel about this thing. I've been doing edits all week, but true to form, I always freak out the day things are due and obsess over every little detail. I'm really proud of all the work and research I put into my blog posts and hope I managed to convey all that information in my QRG too.

2. What are the major weaknesses of the project you submitted? Explain carefully how and why you consider these elements to be weak or under-developed.

The main weakness of my QRG is the conclusion. I never, ever know how to end things and wrap them up efficiently. I just ended my QRG with the successes/losses of all the stakeholders but I don't know if I connected everything well enough.

3. What are the major strengths of the project you submitted? Explain carefully how and why you consider these elements to be strong or well-developed.

The strengths of my QRG are the descriptions of imagery and the stakeholders. I tried really hard to use vivid imagery and active, specific actions to describe them. I also feel the carefully chosen pictures and tweets strengthened my argument instead of adding superfluous details.

4. What do you think of how you practiced time management for Project 1? Did you put enough time and effort into the project? Did you procrastinate and wait till the last minute to work on things? Share any major time management triumphs or fails....

Honestly, I did not procrastinate as much as I would normally on a writing assignment. Though I really burnt myself out with the research and blog posts so developing and polishing my QRG was kind of painful. Also, when I went into this project, I thought it would take me less time than a standard essay. Boy, was I wrong. This thing took an incredible amount of time that was hard to find sufficient time slots in my schedule. This was one of the most intensive writing projects I have ever done due to the massive amounts of information I had to synthesize into a cohesive whole. The fails were that I focused so much time and effort into blog posts, that I put less into the actual paper. The triumphs are that I am pretty proud of my work and learned a lot about integrating social media into papers.

Local Revision: Variety

Sentence variety helps the audience stay awake. Without sentence variety, the audience doesn't have interesting and different sentences to spice up their reading experience.

Link to draft

Spengler, Jessica. "Spices" 2/11/10 via Flickr. Attribution 2.0 Generic.

Tips for sentence variety from Rules for Writers:

1) Vary your sentence openings

2) Use a variety of sentence structures

3) Try inverting sentences occasionally

1. How much variation is there in your sentence structures in the current draft? Can you spot any repetitive or redundant sentence patterns in your writing? Provide a cogent analysis of what the Rules for Writers reading tells you about your sentences.

Over all there seems to be a fail amount of sentence structure variety in my draft. However, I do tend to start sentences with clauses or conjunctions. I find that I favor sentence structures that state a problem, then a follow up sentence that starts with "however"(as you can see from the first two sentences of my response).

2. What about paragraph structures, including transitions between different paragraphs?

Obvious transitions are sparse. I generally wrap paragraphs up quickly and then create a new heading that starts to introduce the next topic. After major parts, I have a single sentence that summarizes that part and then a new heading. There are many different paragraphs as I split them up to allow the reader to skim through my QRG more easily.

3. What about vocabulary? Is there variety and flavor in your use of vocabulary? What are the main strengths and weaknesses of the draft's approach to vocabulary?

Most of the vocabulary variety and flavor come from the numerous imagery intensive paragraphs. The imagery paragraphs have strong vocab but the rest has standard speaking vocab. The strengths of having common vocabulary is that people can skim easily and not pause to ponder any words. Common vocab also lends a more familiar and informal tone, which is more enjoyable to read for fun than a stuffy document.

Local Revision: Pronoun Usage

Readers immediately know who or what effective pronouns refer to. Here is an analysis of the pronouns in my QRG.

Schu. "Superhero Grammar" 3/19/8 via flickr. Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 2.0 Generic.

1. Based on your analysis, how effective is your pronoun usage in Project 1? What does actively examining your pronoun usage tell you about your writing syle?

Overall, there were not as many pronouns as I was expecting. Most of the pronouns referred to you (the reader). However, there were some pronouns that didn't refer to a person but an action. I found that the pronouns that referred to an action instead of a specific person/group of people was harder to identify the subject of. So, this tells me that actions should be chosen as the subject instead of a pronoun to replace the action.

2. How effective are the moments when you speak directly to the audience at creating a connection between audience and author?

The moments when I speak directly to the audience are during descriptions involving a lot of imagery ("You understand", "Imagine"...). I feel that talking directly to the audience in these instances does help establish a connection where the audience can "see" exactly what you are trying to describe in vivid terms.

My Pronouns

One must use pronouns carefully and clearly. We don't want any unclear antecedents, do we?

Link to draft

Schu. "I and You and Don't Forget Who" 2/20/8 via Flcikr. Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 2.0 Generic.

Here is a spreadsheet of all the pronouns and their antecedents chronologically ordered in my draft.

Local Revision: Passive and Active Voice

The dreaded passive voice always manages to stealthily slide into everyone's writing just like a cowbird's egg in another's nest.

Link to draft

Stylurus. "Nest of a Yellow Warbler" 6/28/8 via flickr. Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 2.0 Generic.

Here is a spreadsheet of all the active and passive voice verbs in chronological order.

1. Looking at the breakdown of your verb choices here, what do you notice about your current draft? Are the actions in your piece mostly general, vague or non-specific? Are the actions mostly vivid and specific? Are there instances of passive voice? Summarize what you learned by analyzing your verb usage in this way.

Most of the actions are non-specific, but there are still a bunch of specific actions too. The passive voice list is surprisingly short as I changed some as I noticed when they could be improved. The ones in the list I left, as they worked grammatically.

2. Based on this analysis, how could your use of verbs be improved overall in the project? Be specific and precise in explaining this.

Well, I changed some of the passive voice as I went and am in the process of changing the vague actions to more specific actions. However, some of the actions will remain non-specific as they are merely reports of what happened without specific parties preforming the action.

Local Revision: Tense Usage

The different verb tenses (past, present, and future) each have their uses. They convey different tones and shifts that affect the readers' experience.

Link to draft

Herschell, John. "Conjugation of etre, 'to be'- grammatically correct graffiti" 5/7/12 via Flickr. Attribution-ShareAlike 2.0 Generic.

Here is a spreadsheet of all the verb tenses

1. Which tense is the most prevalent in your draft?

The most prevalent tense, by far, is the present tense

2. What effect or tone/quality does the current usage of tense have on the reader/viewer/listener?

The extensive use of present tense helps the reader feel part of the moment. It also indicates that the event is recent.

3. If you're using more than one tense in the draft (which is not a bad thing at all), do the shifts between different tenses in the piece make sense? How do they flow? Are there any jarring or discordant shifts in tense?

There are not discordant shifts in tense. As many of the events talked about are in the past, the actions performed are also in the past. If present tense is used for actions in the past, it would be noticed and discordant. All the imagery is described in the present which flows naturally.

My Verbs

Lets take a look at every single verb used in my TMT QRG draft.

Siegel, Rebecca. "Pure Verb" 1/20/12 via Flickr. Attribution 2.0 Generic.

Here are all the verbs in chronological order:

led
has
caused
blew up
imagine
standing
is
is
reaches
look
swirl
glow
marvel
forget
are enveloped
twinkling
feel
standing
standing
understand
is
understand
flocked
feel
understand
coveted
to build
start
devastated
was
claimed
causing
crash
was
proposed
opening
is
has
is
offered
to attract
hoped
will bring
provide
did
hoped
flocked
building
came
were outsourced
invested
leaving
is
is
stands
is
use
give
make
allows
has
capture
dream
is
are
came
benefit
pay
have
makes
proposed
hire
oversee
ranked
jumped
plump
strives
are able
approved
had
came
protect
had
claimed
consist
utilized
sit
facing
inch
chant
scamper
weave
offer
bend
embrace
run
are
do
were arrested
are
is
was localized
happened
blew up
made
sent
prompted
shift
reacting
shifted
be solved
tweeted
is
values
is
worry
will refrain
choose
got
ruled
declared
made
was set
are
get
were
was
was

To have- 6
to flock- 2
to cause- 2
to be- 18
to stand- 3
to understand- 3
to flock- 3
to lead- 2
to blow up- 2
to claim- 2
to propose- 2
to hope- 2

Local Revision: Wordiness

Verbosity is not effective. Here is a practice in cutting words:

Garneau, Pierre- Alexandre. "Cutting Mangos, Samurai-Style" 6/1/10 via Flickr. Attribution-NonCommercial 2.0 Generic

Some tips from Rules for Writers:

1) Eliminate redundancies

2) Avoid unnecessary repetition of words

3) Cut empty of inflated phrases

4) Simplify the structure

5) Reduce clauses to phrases, phrases to single words

Before:

"The protesters- self-proclaimed the protectors would sit in the road obstructing the construction of the TMT. They consisted of people of all ages but, surprisingly mostly the newer generations. As they face off the police and TMT construction workers, they chant prayers and sing. Kids run underfoot and weave leas that they offer to the "enemy", the police. As not accepting leas is terribly offensive, the police bend down and offer their heads to the kids. Then the protesters hug the police. Emotions run high among both sides. The protests on the slopes of Mauna Kea are completely peaceful- there are no weapons and no attacks. However, the police must do their jobs and arrested the more stubborn of the group. These are the same people who started the #WeAreMaunaKea, people who are proud of their culture and are willing to fight for things important to them- Mauna Kea, a holy land."

-excerpt from QRG draft (link)

After:

"The TMT protesters claimed the title of "the Protectors". The Protectors consist of people of all ages. Surprisingly, however, they mostly consist of the newer generations. The protectors utilized every means of obstructing the construction in non-violent ways. They sit in the road, impassively facing the construction trucks that inch their way forward. They chant prayers and sing, while kids run underfoot and weave leas that they offer to the "enemy", the police. As refusing a lea is offensive, the police bend down to offer their heads to the kids. Then the protesters hug the police. Emotions run high on both sides. Even though the local police are sympathetic to the cause, they must do their jobs. 31 people throughout all the different protests were arrested. However, despite arrests, the protectors continues to passionately protest both in person and through #WeAreMaunaKea."

How is the rewritten section different from the original, from the perspective of your audience? Is it better? In what way? Is it worse? In what way?

When I revised the paragraph, I actually didn't really cut down the words. Instead I added more concise detail by replacing wordy, ineffectual lines with more compact lines. I also cut down sentence length. I have a habit of adding too many clauses to a sentence that can jumble up my writing. I actively tried to split up sentences and make them more bite sized. So, even though it is the same size, I feel the paragraph is much easier to read and more effective than before.

Peer Review 2

Peer review benefits both the reviewer and the reviewed. Here are the things I learned and my own two cents on other people's work which I hope will be useful.

Kaczorowski, Jenny. "Red Pen" 7/23/12 via flickr. Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 2.0 Generic.

Here are the two works I peer reviewed:

1) Ryan Wolfe's QRG on "Mitochondrial Replacement and 'three parent' babies" and the rubric

2) Benjamen Meyer's essay and the rubric

What I learned from the projects I reviewed:

I learned from Ryan Wolfe that the pictures in my QRG are a mess. I didn't integrate them into the text nearly as well as I could have. His QRG is very aesthetically pleasing while mine is more like word vomit with pictures sprinkled liberally on top. I learned from Benjamen Meyer how much of an effect imagery has on a reader'er experience. His extremely vivid imagery and dry wit made the read greatly enjoyable.

Top three issues with my QRG:

1) Aesthetics- I need to integrate the photos and quotes into the information

2) Organization- I need to make the different sections of my QRG more distinct with headings (which I realize I don't really have at all... oops)

3) Imagery- I should actually spend a lot of time on this because the setting of my controversy is supposed to be ridiculously beautiful (Mauna Kea)

Top three strengths of my QRG:

1) I have specific stakeholders- I need to organize them more though and add quotes more than the twitter posts I have.

2) I have effective pictures- Some are very emotional and others are just stunning. I should explain the pictures more to show the reader their relevance.

3) I represent all the sides equally and tried really hard not to have a bias. I think I was successful in that regard because I still can't decide which side I would have taken had I been part of the action.

Peer Review 1

One of the best ways to improve a rough draft is to have someone else read your work. This allows you to receive input from an impartial bystander who catches mistakes in your argument that you don't notice due to familiarity with your own work.

AJC ajcann.wordpress.com. "Peer Review" 5/23/08 via Flickr. Attribution-ShareAlike 2.0 Generic.

I peer reviewed Coby Allred's QRG on the Ivanpah Contrversy and here is the rubric. As I also wrote a QRG for my project, reviewing Coby's QRG was really helpful to me. Let's start with some effective choices he made in his QRG. Coby set up the "where"  for the Ivanpah controversy very well. He used strong imagery and had pictures that completed his descriptions. He was also very good at quoting some of the main claims of the stake holders. However, though he had a lot of clear claims, he did not describe his stakeholders very explicitly. He also did not draw attention to any of the more shocking quotes by isolating them which is commonly done in QRGs. I realized from grading his QRG that I made these exact same mistakes- I never made all my stakeholders clear and also could do a better job isolating key quotes or statistics. My plan of attack for improving my draft is to make a clear outline(which I neglected to do while writing the draft because I had all the process work blog posts) and then reorganize all the information.

Draft of Project One

Well, here it is:

Link

Mostly I'm worried about the ratio of text to pictures. I think all the information is necessary but there are definitely may ways to improve the format of my QRG.

The Setting

This is a description of a protest that happened on June 24, 2015.

mail_collector. "Cloud Martini" 8/31/15 via Flickr. Attribution 2.0 Generic.

You are driving up Mauna Kea on winding roads that seem never ending. You've forgotten how many signs with the words "Caution, Sharp Turns" you've seen and simply focus on driving. Your passenger suddenly freaks out and you look around in alarm- you are driving above the clouds. ABOVE THE CLOUDS!!!! Then you see a block in the road. There are many people just sitting in the road holding signs that proudly proclaim intentions of protecting Mauna Kea. The protesters are a diverse group. There are many traditional outfits interspersed with t-shirts that say, "Protect Mauna Kea". There is a lot of singing and chanting. Suddenly there is a huge commotion. A man sets up a ladder and waves an upside down flag. An uspide down flag is a symbol that life or property is in imminent danger and some of the protesters are looking on uneasily. The police approach the man and the crowd convinces him to come down before the police take drastic action. However, after the man climbs down, he hugs a police officer and they both cry. Watching the display, more of the crowd starts sniffling and other police surreptitiously wipe their tears away. The authorities are divided- they must do their jobs, but the mountain is also important to them. Then the construction vehicles start creeping towards the protesters who move back slowly and sit back down. This happens all day until it starts raining heavily and mist obscures the road. The vehicles are forced to stop and pull over tot he side of the road an the protesters cheer. They claim the heavens are weeping and helping their cause. They are grateful for succeeding in stopping the TMT for one more day.

The Time Period

What else was happening in the World during the TMT Controversy? This blog post speaks of local, national and global occurrences.

Sharif, Herr. "O'Connell Street News" 10/10/13 via Flickr. Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 2.0 Generic.

Local News Stories:

1. President Obama's Vacation to Hawaii
2. Gov Ige after First Year in Office: "I would probably give myself a B"

National News Stories:

1. Giant Magellan Telescope: Super-score Project Breaks Ground
2. UK Inflation Rates Rises to 11- month High in December

Global News Stories:

1. Because it's 2015: How is PM Trudeau Going to Deal with Canadians' Economic Concerns?
2. How Building Bridges Can Help the Economy- Or Not

Stakeholder #3

All controversies have major stakeholders. Sometimes they are on completely opposite sides, but sometimes, stakeholders are on a middle ground.

Occupy Hilo. "TMT Blockade on Mauna Kea" 10/7/14 via Flickr. Attribution-ShareAlike 2.0 Generic.

"the Protectors" of Mauna Kea:
The protesters- self-proclaimed the protectors, who sit in the road obstructing the construction of the TMT are the third group of stakeholders. They consist of people of all ages but mostly the newer generations. As they face off the police and TMT construction workers, they chant prayers and sing. Kids run underfoot and weave leas that they offer to the "enemy", the police. As not accepting leas is terribly offensive, the police bend down and offer their heads to the kids. Then the protesters hug the police. Emotions run high among both sides. The protests on the slopes of Mauna Kea are completely peaceful- there are no weapons and no attacks. However, the police must do their jobs and arrested the more stubborn of the group. These are the same people who started the #WeAreMaunaKea, people who are proud of their culture and are willing to fight for things important to them- Mauna Kea, a holy land.

Claims:

These three claims are from The Top Reasons for the Immediate Halting of TMT Construction submitted to Governor Ige on April 1, 2015 which is posted on the webpage of the Protect Mauna Kea Organization.

1. "The TMT project cannot legally meet the eight criteria for construction (i.e. Land Use) in The Mauna Kea Conservation District.  There is no legal way to waive this requirement, nor any exception to it"- Protect Mauna Kea (source)
2. "The TMT is desecrating at a criminal level.  The legal definition of desecration in Hawaii is that it will cause "outrage" in a certain segment of the population (HRS 7-11-1107)"- Protect Mauna Kea (source)
3. DLNR is not enforcing the law, as it is required to do, but facilitating environmental violations instead"- Protect Mauna Kea (source)

Validity of claims:
The claims posted here are just as valid as the claims of the TMT. The main source of trouble are the actions of Hawaii's Board of Land and Natural Resources. The board approved the land permit for TMT but they technically worked outside of due process of the law as was ruled in a supreme court case on December 2, 2015. Thus, their protests were successful and the TMT's construction permit was revoked.

Similarities:
The protesters have similarities with stakeholders 2.

Stakeholder #2

All controversies have major stakeholders. Sometimes they are on completely opposite sides, but sometimes, stakeholders are on a middle ground.

UWGB Admissions. "Peace sign + UWGB Environmental Sciences Building" 7/29/09 via Flickr. Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 2.0 Generic.

Other stake holders include prominent figures in astronomy who oppose the TMT:

Two women in particular have a large influence on twitter- Dr. Chanda Prescod- Weinstein and Charee Peters. Dr. Chanda P-W has a Phd in Theoretical Physics from the University of Waterloo and Executive Committee Member, Committee on the Status of Gender and Sexual Minorities in Astronomy in the American Astronomical Society. She is a person of color and started #DeColonizeSTEM and #DeColonizeAstronomy in order to protest the TMT. Charee Peters is a PhD candidate at the University of Wisconsin- Madison. She also speaks out loudly about TMT despite numerous warnings that it could destroy her budding career in Astronomy. She is a Sioux native american and is very proud of her heritage as is displayed by her twitter name- SiouxperNova.

Claims: 

1.  “The hurtful response of some people towards indigenous communities is likely what has affected me the most. When people use hateful language towards our cultures and beliefs, calling them “magical,” or “backwards” even, I feel like this demonstrates that there’s no place for people like me in the field of astronomy,” - Charee Peters, PhD candidate at the University of  Wisconsin- Madison (source)
2. “What I have learned as a cosmologist is that science has too often been on the wrong side of progress… No telescope or science is more important than people.”- Dr. Chandra Prescod- Weinstein (source)
3. "It’s very alienating,.. Their reflections on Hawaii really affect how I see myself in this community. How can I tell Caribbean and other Black Americans that astronomy has a place for you?”- Dr. Chandra Prescod- Weinstein (source)

Validity of Claims:
These two women are not reacting to the TMT itself. They are reacting to the comments of other prominent figures in astronomy who made racist comments on the matter such as in this email. They are fighting less about the TMT but more about the political repercussions of the TMT controversy. After hearing racist and bigoted comments by their peers, they felt alienated as they are both part of URM or under represented minorities. They are worried that this controversy will cause men and women going into stem to feel they have to decide between science and religion.

Similarities:
Some of their claims resonate with the Mauna Kea protesters that the westerners stomp over culture and tradition in favor of science.

Stakeholder #1

All controversies have major stakeholders. Sometimes they are on completely opposite sides, but sometimes, stakeholders are on a middle ground.

TMT. "untitled" N/A via TMT. Courtesy of TMT International Observatory.

Thirty Meter Telescope

One of the major stakeholders with the most to lose- a major setback in a 1.4 billion dollar telescope- is TMT themselves. The TMT headquarters are in Pasadena, California, filled with academics from all over the world. Prominent figures in the field of astronomy from Japan, Canada, China, India, and Hawaii make up but a small portion of the people working on the Thirty Meter Telescope. TMT works with cutting edge technology and the telescope is on of the most advanced and largest telescopes in the world. They are completely unconnected to the military and they are working purely out of scientific curiosity. TMT is also responsible for multiple million dollar STEM outreach and scholarship programs. In addition to the technology teams, TMT has scientists who work on decreasing the impact on the environment that the telescope will have on Mauna Kea.

Claims:

1. "Out of respect for Hawaiian culture and for the protection of Maunakea's natural resources, we have taken great care to select a site that has no endangered flora or fauna and no known archaeological shrines or burial sites. Located on a lava plain below the summit, TMT will not be visible from culturally sensitive locations, such as the summit of Kukahauula, Lake Waiau, and Puu Lilinoe. It will only be vaguely visible from 14% of the island"- Thirty Meter Telescope (source)
2. "TMT will follow follow a Comprehensive Management Plan to protect and conserve Maunake's cultural and natural resources during both on-going operations and construction to prevent any detrimental impacts. In addition, we will have cultural, archaeological, and construction monitors on-site at all times" - TMT (source)
3. In 2014, we launched The Hawaii Island New Knoweldge (THINK) Fund to better prepare Hawaii Island students to master STEM and to become the workforce for higher paying science and technology jobs in Hawaii's 21st Century Economy" - TMT (source)

Validity of Claims

TMT's claims are all true. Hawaii's Board of Land and Natural Resources approved of their plans to preserve the environment and respect the cultural significance of Maund Kea. The governor of Hawaii, David Ige, also approved of all of TMT's proposals and compromises.

Similarities
Many of the Hawaiian citizens are polarized and either fully support or are fully against the TMT. Surprisingly, the demographic of the protesters are mostly the current generation and there are many of the older generation who fully support the TMT.