Peer Review 11a for Gaby Marty

I decided to peer review Gaby Marty's outline adaptation on her intro/opening on child rearing. My comments on her intro can be found here.

An explanation of the peer review activity you selected for the project you reviewed

I chose to review the form of Gaby's intro for her standard college essay.

An explanation of how you think you helped the author with your feedback (in other words, how did you help them make their work better?)

I pointed out some of the conventions of the standard college essay that are pretty important to the standard college essay- point of view and formality of the writing.

An explanation of how you incorporated something from the suggested Student’s Guide readings (or any other course materials, if you’d prefer) into your feedback

Pg 135 of Rules for Writers says the point of view in any writing situation is consistent in person and number. The shifts in Gaby's writing from first to second then to third person is distracting and unconventional in a standard college essay.

One thing about their work that you admired or think you could learn from

Gaby is really good at pointing out the importance of her topic. Starting off with a strong argument on why the topic on one's essay is important captures the readers attention and makes the reader's experience better.

Content Outline

So, now that all the research is done, here is an outline to my project. 

Content outline (link)

Rhetorical Analysis of Project 3

Now that we're starting on project three, its time to define our rhetorical situations and start the preliminary research for the project. This blog post will focus giving  broad summary for my project in particular.

Author. How will you draw on any or some of the following for Project 3? Be specific about how your plans for Project 3 connect to some previous, current or burgeoning interest of your own personal experience- I live in a college dorm right now. Everywhere you look in the hallways, posters on sex, alcohol and consent are plastered to the walls. These poster clusters repeat every ten feet- down the entire hall. When I read the posters I just get a sinking feeling in my stomach because the info on the posters seems like the most simple common sense to me. The fact that they have to be so prevalently displayed is shocking. I ant to examine why the culture surrounding college campuses in particular is such that we need such posters. I've listened to groups of girls who live on my floor as they discuss which party to go to that night and they use terms like "XX house is less rapey that XX house" or "XX is where all the sluts go". WHY DO WE LIVE IN A PLACE WHERE GIRLS DISCUSS THE "RAPEY-NESS" OF CERTAIN PLACES AS IF DISCUSSING THE WEATHER?!?!!?        2.     What are the preconceptions, previously held opinions and/or potential areas for                personal bias that you should be aware of for Project 3? What about any of the                following?: family values- my parents have never talked to me about sex- they just expect that I would not do anything "like the other girls" so they basically practiced abstinence only with their kids Location- I was born and raised (as well as going to college) in Arizona which is a very conservative state. Personally I have NEVER had sex education in high school. I had a single day of "sex ed" in middle school where we talked about puberty. Your level of access to cultural power- yes, I ma a woman which means in the context of rape culture and some of the abstinence only programs I would be the "weaker and dis empowered person" who has more societal stigmas than a man

Audience. How are you thinking about your audience for this project? Who are you going to make this for? Describe them. young, college-aged, sexually-active, active party-ers What beliefs and assumptions might this audience already hold? What position are they likely to take on this issue? How will you respond to that position? Some of the audience may come from locations that actually have good sex ed (unlike AZ) and they might be shocked about the state of other's sex ed. Also, If one already has a good sex ed, they might not see the correlations in my argument. An older population that might react to my argument unfavorably by saying that young people shouldn't be sexually active until marriage. My response would be to include stats an research that abstinence only does harm and misinform. How might they react to your argument? As I am arguing that abstinence only programs are harmful and contribute to rape culture, dis-empowerment, and mis-information, I have a feeling many of my peers would agree with me. They all see the same daily shit that happen on campus as I do and most have personally dealt with situations themselves. How are you going to relate to or connect with your audience? Are there any specific words, ideas or ways of arguing that will help you relate to them in this way? pictures of campus- all the flyers(sex and consent) and blue lights. abstinence only is a wishful way of thinking for conservative adults who ignore what the young adults need to know. Sex ed should be as accurate and prevalent as bio or history classes. Think of one specific person or a set of people you know personally or professionally who fall within the definition of ‘target audience’ you’re using for Project 3. What could you tell them or say to them in order to convince them of your perspective? What would need to happen for them to agree with you? I would show them footage of people who have been harmed by the stigmas placed on sex in the abstinence only culture. There are lots of heartbreaking videos out there which are detailed in my sources.

Purpose/Message. What do you want to accomplish with Project 3? What affect do you want it to have on your intended audience? For instance: What might you want your audience to do after reading/watching/listening to my project? I want them to think about their actions and realize that a situation that might not effect them for mere than a few minutes leaves a lasting negative impression on another. I want them to do little things to stop this harmful culture surrounding sex to continue on. What might you want your audience to consider after reading/watching/ listening to your project? I want them to consider the culture we live in and if they want it to remain that way. What might you want your audience to believe after reading/watching/ listening to your project? Believe in the best in other people despite this culture. Invividually people act so much differently than in a group.       2.    Once you’ve done all your research and figured out what you think about the              controversy you’ve chosen, what still needs to be accomplished? For instance: Is there anything that still needs to be explained or pointed out to the people talking about this issue? other systems and their success rates should be brought up these other systems still include abstinence. They just have more options and make their students aware of safe alternatives Is there anything that the people arguing about this need to be reminded of or made aware of? young people have to be a part of this discussion too!! Not just adults and authority figures.

Context. What are the particular circumstances surrounding this assignment?

What genre? What course genre will you be writing in for Project 3? video essay What kinds of audience expectations come along with this genre, generally? video footage, editing skills, music transitions, a smooth viewing experience, a certain amount of entertainment value What is your history working in the genre you have selected for Project 3? absolutely nothing- well, I've made animated videos but nothing where I talk about my own stance on something Describe your comfort level and general feelings about the genre. How will they affect your work on Project 3? Learning how to use software to make a podcast was not to bad, so I'm hoping its the same for video editing. I also played around with the podcast stuff ahead of time so I should play around with the new software also. What are the two most effective conventions in this genre, in your opinion? Why? Be specific. One is the effectiveness of using graphics on an audience. It is a logos strategy and really helps cement an argument. Another is the ability to use other peoples personal accounts. Sad videos appeal to pathos feelings sometimes much more than mere writing does.

When? Are there any historical events that might impact how your audience perceives your argument or the kind of background information or evidence you need to include? For instance, does media reporting on any of the following involve your issue/subject for Project 3?: religious preferences political affiliation of state of location        2.    Who else is talking about this topic? Provide us with working hyperlinks to coverage of the controversy on FOUR different media outlets. ABC News US News and World Report NY Times Huffington Post        3.    What are the three or four major counter-arguments you’ll have to respond to, based upon what people are saying in the press/media? Be specific and cite your sources using working hyperlinks. Sexual activity before marriage is immoral and against God's will Abstinence is the ONLY 100% effective method to prevent the spread of STDs and pregnancies Sex ed images are inappropriate

Reflection

Now that all of the Pre-production work is done, how did it all go?

What were some of the successes (or, things that went right) during this week’s process work? Explain, with evidence.

I learned a lot about my topic of abstinence only sex ed. I never realized what a huge problem this is and I was completely baffled by all the implications this has on our society as a whole.

What were some of the challenges (or, things that went wrong) during this week’s process work? Explain, with evidence.

Due to unforeseen circumstances (when I got ridiculously sick, lost my voice, and wanted to die for a week), I got behind in project two. I was set back almost an entire week so when I started the work for project three I was already exhausted and had to scramble to finish.

How do you think next week will go, based on your experiences this week?

I think I will need to rework my outline a little. I think it might be too broad. However, one I start producing content I will be able to see quite quickly if it is too broad.

How are you feeling about the project overall at this point?

Honestly, this topic is making me feel icky which is good in a way because I definitely have a clear opinion on it ("this is the worst idea" mentality). I feel a little unorganized in the project right now which will get better as I rework my outline and produce content for the project.

Research Report

Okay, here is a research report for ten different sources for my project. Since I intend to make a video essay, most of my sources are video, audio, or image based QRG like  sources.

Here is the (link) to a google docs detailing my ten sources.

Production Schedule

It is so easy to fall behind during a major project. To try to prevent this as much as possible, we made production schedules to detail all of the major pieces in this project and to make sure we are aware of the deadlines.

Here is my production schedule fro project 3: (link)

Editorial Report 9b

The introduction of a project is more important than people realize. Therefore, I want to give my intro some extra work:

Rough Cut Opening

Re-edited opening

1) How did the content change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the content is being communicated more effectively in the re-edited version?

Well, apart from sounding significantly less awkward than in the first opening recording, I added many more details. I defined ethos, logos, and pathos and talked about how they fit into this project (which I had realized I had completely forgotten in the first try). I tried to stress the importance of these strategies. 

2) How did the form change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the form is presenting the content more effectively in the re-edited version?

I added a stinger at the very beginning to inform the audience exactly what the podcast will be about within the first 20 seconds. I realized in my first attempt, it took a good minute to figure out what the podcast was even about. Then I added intro music and attempted to add some sound effects.