Reflection on Local Revision Process

The final revision was intense. But, I am so happy its over and am proud of my video essay.

What were some of the successes (or, things that went right) during this week’s process work? Explain, with evidence.

• I managed to complete my video essay and turn it in on time!!! That was honestly one of my biggest worries: turning another project in late.

What were some of the challenges (or, things that went wrong) during this week’s process work? Explain, with evidence.

• I had a hard time with movie maker. Movie maker is pretty limited in the video effects it can achieve and I feel like the transitions between the scenes in my video are not as interesting as they could be.

How do you think next week will go, based on your experiences this week?

• Next week will go splendidly because this project is finished!!! I just have to get through the calc and physics tests I have on Friday, and I will be all set to take my finals and work on the final project in this class!!

How are you feeling about the project overall at this point?

• I am proud of my very first video essay. Honestly, a live presentation with a PowerPoint would have been much easier, but this was certainly a valuable experience.

Editorial Report 13a

Here is the edited version of one of the body arguments in my video essay- Impacts of Title V on Self-esteem: Original | Revised start at 8:51

How did the content change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the content is being communicated more effectively in the re-edited version?

• I talked about the consequences abstinence only education has on self-worth and how I think it is wrong to stress sex as such a large part of a person's identity.

How did the form change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the form is presenting the content more effectively in the re-edited version?

• I definitely shortened the clips of Shelly Donahue and Elizabeth Smart. It was surprising how easily my entire video broke 10 minutes.

Editorial Report 13b

Here is the edited version of the closing of my video essay: Original | Revised start at 11:12

How did the content change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the content is being communicated more effectively in the re-edited version?

• I brought the argument to the previous points. I added more stats about the STD rates in communities with a lot of purity pledges and I cited my sources in a google doc.

How did the form change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the form is presenting the content more effectively in the re-edited version?

• I added my suggestions to the problem and cited California as the first state to mandate a complete comprehensive sex ed system.

Revised Post to Peer Reviewers

At last, the final project is complete. Here is a link to my video essay: Abolish Abstinence: We Can't Keep Our Hands to Ourselves.

Key information about your particular project that you would like anyone who peer reviews your draft to know

• It is pretty finalized, honestly. There is not much time for peer reviews this week.

Major issues or weaknesses in the “Fine Cut” that you’re already aware of (as well as anything you’d like to know from your editors about those weaknesses)

• I know my conclusion could be better and I don't have a witty ending line, but I got it done!!

Major virtues or strengths in the “Fine Cut” that you’re already aware of (as well as anything you’d like to know from your editors about those strengths)

• I think my arguments are pretty solid. I feel like the beginning of my video is entertaining enough to catch the attention of the audience and hopefully make them want to watch the rest of my video.

Peer Review 13b for Benjamen Meyer

The second peer review this week is for Benjamen Meyer's QRG called New Year, New Test? My comments on his blog can be found here.

An explanation of the peer review activity you selected for the project you reviewed

• I made some content suggestions.

An explanation of how you think you helped the author with your feedback (in other words, how did you help them make their work better?)

• I pointed out to Benjamen that he never really makes suggestions for what should happen. He is a little ambiguous on his own stance. Obviously, he hates the new SAT but he makes no suggestions for an alternative route of action.

An explanation of how you incorporated something from the suggested Student’s Guide readings (or any other course materials, if you’d prefer) into your feedback

• One of the tings about the public arguments we read is that the author should suggsest an alternative paln of action which Ben never does.

One thing about their work that you admired or think you could learn from

• His QRG formatting was fantastic. The pictures were well integrated into the text and there was a good amount of blank space.

Peer Review 13a for Rigo Avila

I decided to review Rigo Avila's video essay on the Cancellation of the F-35 Lightning II. My comments on his blogs can be found here.

An explanation of the peer review activity you selected for the project you reviewed

• I decided to copy-edit Rigo's video

An explanation of how you think you helped the author with your feedback (in other words, how did you help them make their work better?)

• I tried to point out a part (his closing, which is integral to a fantastic essay) where Rigo was a little too repetitive to be effective. His closing had a fantastic ending but if it got tightened up a little, it would be much clearer and more effective.

An explanation of how you incorporated something from the suggested Student’s Guide readings (or any other course materials, if you’d prefer) into your feedback

• A writing rule is that parallelism is good but too much repetition is bad.

One thing about their work that you admired or think you could learn from

• I liked how he labeled his sources in the video. I also thought it as interesting how he dressed up in a suit to establish his credibility at the beginning but spoke in the rest of his video in a t-shirt. I think I will aim for a look in the middle- semi casual all the way through.

Reflection on Global Revision Process

Here's an update on how the global revision process went.

What were some of the successes (or, things that went right) during this week’s process work?

• I think I've narrowed down which video clips and which photos I want to use in my video essay. I had a hard time choosing what to use because my topic is so broad that I had so much content to choose from.

What were some of the challenges (or, things that went wrong) during this week’s process work?

• I had a hard time focusing my topic even at this point. As I was making the video, I realized I needed to cut a lot of stuff and redirect my focus. Also, videos take much longer than podcasts do, which take longer than written essays... I underestimated the amount of time needed to figure out softwares. I'm still trying to find a software that I like... Windows movie maker isn't the greatest.

How do you think next week will go, based on your experiences this week?

• I need to voice/record clips of myself over then do the final editing process and I'll be all set.

How are you feeling about the project overall at this point?

• Overall, I feel pretty good about my argument right now. I feel like I have a really good mixture of logic and emotional appeals. However, I don't really know how to add credible-ness to my authority as a writer on this topic.

Open Post to Peer Reviewers

Okie dokie, here is my rough draft on Sex Ed in America.

Key information about your particular project that you would like anyone who peer reviews your draft to know

• Only the intro has a voice over. I was mainly focusing on gathering the pictures and video clips I really wanted to use and collecting them in one place.

Major issues or weaknesses in the “Rough Cut” that you’re already aware of (as well as anything you’d like to know from your editors about those weaknesses)

• I know the graphics for the intro are not great. I'm trying out different editing softwares still and am unhappy with the ones I have tried so far.

Major virtues or strengths in the “Rough Cut” that you’re already aware of (as well as anything you’d like to know from your editors about those strengths)

• I feel pretty confident that I have most of the sources/graphs/stats/video clips that I want to keep for the rest of the process. As I add voice over I may add more content.

Editorial Report 12b

One of the parts I re-edited is the argument discussing the effectiveness of virginity pledges as a part of high school sex ed:

Original clip | edited clip start at 6:07

How did the content change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the content is being communicated more effectively in the re-edited version?

• I brought the element of religion in abstinence only educations to attention to the audience.

How did the form change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the form is presenting the content more effectively in the re-edited version?

• I added the comparison of purity vows and shortened the clip of the purity ball.

Editorial Report 12a

One of the parts I re-edited is the intro of my video essay:

Original intro | edited intro

How did the content change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the content is being communicated more effectively in the re-edited version?

• I added information on the huge media storm that occurred after Alice Dreger live-tweeted her son's abstinence only sex ed class.

How did the form change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the form is presenting the content more effectively in the re-edited version?

• I also added a grabber and title page.

Peer Review 12a for Payton Leahy

For the first of this week's peer reviews I'm reviewing Payton Leahy's video essay on #FreeKesha. Here are the comments I posted on her blog.

An explanation of the peer review activity you selected for the project you reviewed

• I decided to make a form suggestion for Payton's video essay.

An explanation of how you think you helped the author with your feedback (in other words, how did you help them make their work better?)

• Payton spends the entire video speaking into the camera without showing any picture or audio sources. Instead, she quotes the sources or describes people when this can be done more effectively by showing the actual sources. For example, she quotes some of Kesha's tweets, which are integral to explaining the situation, verbally instead of visually.

An explanation of how you incorporated something from the suggested Student’s Guide readings (or any other course materials, if you’d prefer) into your feedback

• I tried to remind Payton of the conventions of a video essay where some of the evidence should be in the form of video/audio/picture sources.

One thing about their work that you admired or think you could learn from

• I enjoyed her presence on camera. Even though she was clearly uncomfortable at times and reading off a script, when she did look into the camera and just spoke about the injustice of Kesha's situation, her passion on the topic was clear.

Peer Review 12b for Gabby Dietrich

For this one of this week's peer reviews I'm reviewing Gabby Dietrich's video essay on the Flint, Michigan Water Scandal. Here are the comments I posted on her blog.

An explanation of the peer review activity you selected for the project you reviewed

• I decided to make a content suggestion for Gabby's video essay.

An explanation of how you think you helped the author with your feedback (in other words, how did you help them make their work better?)

• Gabby spends a lot of effort making logical appeals to the audience. However, her proposed solution to problems caused by lack of allocation of federal resources on poverty stricken towns is to increase national taxes. As most taxpayers would protest vehemently to an increase of taxes, I suggested to Gabby to make emotional appeals to the audience. She could do this by focusing on the effects lead poisoning had on the people of the town and show interview footage and heart wrenching photos.

An explanation of how you incorporated something from the suggested Student’s Guide readings (or any other course materials, if you’d prefer) into your feedback

• We learned in the previous project the different types of appeals writers can use to convince their audiences of something and I suggested to add some pathos to the logos.

One thing about their work that you admired or think you could learn from

• The flow of the argument was pretty smooth. I liked how she set up the situation and talked about the events/policy that lead up to this event.

Peer Review 11b for Sarah Moskowitz

I decided to peer review Sarah's production report for her video essay.

An explanation of the peer review activity you selected for the project you reviewed

I tried to give content suggestions for her intro and first argument.

An explanation of how you think you helped the author with your feedback (in other words, how did you help them make their work better?)

I tried point out how the intro does not quite lead into the first argument used. The intro is a little vague about stating the purpose of the video essay- is it an evaluative arguement, a proposal arguement or another?

An explanation of how you incorporated something from the suggested Student’s Guide readings (or any other course materials, if you’d prefer) into your feedback

If there is one thing I learned about internet genres in this course is that the audience wants to know exactly what the essay is going to be about within the first 20 seconds of clicking on a link. That means the intro needs to be explicit about what the essay is trying to accomplish at the very beginning- ambiguous intro, audience decides to click on tempting cat video in the suggestions.

One thing about their work that you admired or think you could learn from

I like Sarah's use of pictures and statistics in her video. Also, the fact that she created screens that have her main points is very effective in driving her meaning home.

Reflection on Production

What were some of the successes (or, things that went right) during this week’s process work? Explain, with evidence.

What were some of the challenges (or, things that went wrong) during this week’s process work? Explain, with evidence.

How do you think next week will go, based on your experiences this week?

How are you feeling about the project overall at this point?

Production Report 11b

How did you decide to use form to present your content in the raw material you’ve shared here? How did the conventions of your chosen genre influence your choices?

How did the production of this raw material go? What kinds of any hiccups, challenges, successes, creative epiphanies, etc. occurred during the process?

Production Report 11a

How did you decide to use form to present your content in the raw material you’ve shared here? How did the conventions of your chosen genre influence your choices?

How did the production of this raw material go? What kinds of any hiccups, challenges, successes, creative epiphanies, etc. occurred during the process?

Peer Review 11a for Gaby Marty

I decided to peer review Gaby Marty's outline adaptation on her intro/opening on child rearing. My comments on her intro can be found here.

An explanation of the peer review activity you selected for the project you reviewed

I chose to review the form of Gaby's intro for her standard college essay.

An explanation of how you think you helped the author with your feedback (in other words, how did you help them make their work better?)

I pointed out some of the conventions of the standard college essay that are pretty important to the standard college essay- point of view and formality of the writing.

An explanation of how you incorporated something from the suggested Student’s Guide readings (or any other course materials, if you’d prefer) into your feedback

Pg 135 of Rules for Writers says the point of view in any writing situation is consistent in person and number. The shifts in Gaby's writing from first to second then to third person is distracting and unconventional in a standard college essay.

One thing about their work that you admired or think you could learn from

Gaby is really good at pointing out the importance of her topic. Starting off with a strong argument on why the topic on one's essay is important captures the readers attention and makes the reader's experience better.

Content Outline

So, now that all the research is done, here is an outline to my project. 

Content outline (link)

Rhetorical Analysis of Project 3

Now that we're starting on project three, its time to define our rhetorical situations and start the preliminary research for the project. This blog post will focus giving  broad summary for my project in particular.

Author. How will you draw on any or some of the following for Project 3? Be specific about how your plans for Project 3 connect to some previous, current or burgeoning interest of your own personal experience- I live in a college dorm right now. Everywhere you look in the hallways, posters on sex, alcohol and consent are plastered to the walls. These poster clusters repeat every ten feet- down the entire hall. When I read the posters I just get a sinking feeling in my stomach because the info on the posters seems like the most simple common sense to me. The fact that they have to be so prevalently displayed is shocking. I ant to examine why the culture surrounding college campuses in particular is such that we need such posters. I've listened to groups of girls who live on my floor as they discuss which party to go to that night and they use terms like "XX house is less rapey that XX house" or "XX is where all the sluts go". WHY DO WE LIVE IN A PLACE WHERE GIRLS DISCUSS THE "RAPEY-NESS" OF CERTAIN PLACES AS IF DISCUSSING THE WEATHER?!?!!?        2.     What are the preconceptions, previously held opinions and/or potential areas for                personal bias that you should be aware of for Project 3? What about any of the                following?: family values- my parents have never talked to me about sex- they just expect that I would not do anything "like the other girls" so they basically practiced abstinence only with their kids Location- I was born and raised (as well as going to college) in Arizona which is a very conservative state. Personally I have NEVER had sex education in high school. I had a single day of "sex ed" in middle school where we talked about puberty. Your level of access to cultural power- yes, I ma a woman which means in the context of rape culture and some of the abstinence only programs I would be the "weaker and dis empowered person" who has more societal stigmas than a man

Audience. How are you thinking about your audience for this project? Who are you going to make this for? Describe them. young, college-aged, sexually-active, active party-ers What beliefs and assumptions might this audience already hold? What position are they likely to take on this issue? How will you respond to that position? Some of the audience may come from locations that actually have good sex ed (unlike AZ) and they might be shocked about the state of other's sex ed. Also, If one already has a good sex ed, they might not see the correlations in my argument. An older population that might react to my argument unfavorably by saying that young people shouldn't be sexually active until marriage. My response would be to include stats an research that abstinence only does harm and misinform. How might they react to your argument? As I am arguing that abstinence only programs are harmful and contribute to rape culture, dis-empowerment, and mis-information, I have a feeling many of my peers would agree with me. They all see the same daily shit that happen on campus as I do and most have personally dealt with situations themselves. How are you going to relate to or connect with your audience? Are there any specific words, ideas or ways of arguing that will help you relate to them in this way? pictures of campus- all the flyers(sex and consent) and blue lights. abstinence only is a wishful way of thinking for conservative adults who ignore what the young adults need to know. Sex ed should be as accurate and prevalent as bio or history classes. Think of one specific person or a set of people you know personally or professionally who fall within the definition of ‘target audience’ you’re using for Project 3. What could you tell them or say to them in order to convince them of your perspective? What would need to happen for them to agree with you? I would show them footage of people who have been harmed by the stigmas placed on sex in the abstinence only culture. There are lots of heartbreaking videos out there which are detailed in my sources.

Purpose/Message. What do you want to accomplish with Project 3? What affect do you want it to have on your intended audience? For instance: What might you want your audience to do after reading/watching/listening to my project? I want them to think about their actions and realize that a situation that might not effect them for mere than a few minutes leaves a lasting negative impression on another. I want them to do little things to stop this harmful culture surrounding sex to continue on. What might you want your audience to consider after reading/watching/ listening to your project? I want them to consider the culture we live in and if they want it to remain that way. What might you want your audience to believe after reading/watching/ listening to your project? Believe in the best in other people despite this culture. Invividually people act so much differently than in a group.       2.    Once you’ve done all your research and figured out what you think about the              controversy you’ve chosen, what still needs to be accomplished? For instance: Is there anything that still needs to be explained or pointed out to the people talking about this issue? other systems and their success rates should be brought up these other systems still include abstinence. They just have more options and make their students aware of safe alternatives Is there anything that the people arguing about this need to be reminded of or made aware of? young people have to be a part of this discussion too!! Not just adults and authority figures.

Context. What are the particular circumstances surrounding this assignment?

What genre? What course genre will you be writing in for Project 3? video essay What kinds of audience expectations come along with this genre, generally? video footage, editing skills, music transitions, a smooth viewing experience, a certain amount of entertainment value What is your history working in the genre you have selected for Project 3? absolutely nothing- well, I've made animated videos but nothing where I talk about my own stance on something Describe your comfort level and general feelings about the genre. How will they affect your work on Project 3? Learning how to use software to make a podcast was not to bad, so I'm hoping its the same for video editing. I also played around with the podcast stuff ahead of time so I should play around with the new software also. What are the two most effective conventions in this genre, in your opinion? Why? Be specific. One is the effectiveness of using graphics on an audience. It is a logos strategy and really helps cement an argument. Another is the ability to use other peoples personal accounts. Sad videos appeal to pathos feelings sometimes much more than mere writing does.

When? Are there any historical events that might impact how your audience perceives your argument or the kind of background information or evidence you need to include? For instance, does media reporting on any of the following involve your issue/subject for Project 3?: religious preferences political affiliation of state of location        2.    Who else is talking about this topic? Provide us with working hyperlinks to coverage of the controversy on FOUR different media outlets. ABC News US News and World Report NY Times Huffington Post        3.    What are the three or four major counter-arguments you’ll have to respond to, based upon what people are saying in the press/media? Be specific and cite your sources using working hyperlinks. Sexual activity before marriage is immoral and against God's will Abstinence is the ONLY 100% effective method to prevent the spread of STDs and pregnancies Sex ed images are inappropriate

Reflection

Now that all of the Pre-production work is done, how did it all go?

What were some of the successes (or, things that went right) during this week’s process work? Explain, with evidence.

I learned a lot about my topic of abstinence only sex ed. I never realized what a huge problem this is and I was completely baffled by all the implications this has on our society as a whole.

What were some of the challenges (or, things that went wrong) during this week’s process work? Explain, with evidence.

Due to unforeseen circumstances (when I got ridiculously sick, lost my voice, and wanted to die for a week), I got behind in project two. I was set back almost an entire week so when I started the work for project three I was already exhausted and had to scramble to finish.

How do you think next week will go, based on your experiences this week?

I think I will need to rework my outline a little. I think it might be too broad. However, one I start producing content I will be able to see quite quickly if it is too broad.

How are you feeling about the project overall at this point?

Honestly, this topic is making me feel icky which is good in a way because I definitely have a clear opinion on it ("this is the worst idea" mentality). I feel a little unorganized in the project right now which will get better as I rework my outline and produce content for the project.

Research Report

Okay, here is a research report for ten different sources for my project. Since I intend to make a video essay, most of my sources are video, audio, or image based QRG like  sources.

Here is the (link) to a google docs detailing my ten sources.

Production Schedule

It is so easy to fall behind during a major project. To try to prevent this as much as possible, we made production schedules to detail all of the major pieces in this project and to make sure we are aware of the deadlines.

Here is my production schedule fro project 3: (link)