Editorial Report 13b

Here is the edited version of the closing of my video essay: Original | Revised start at 11:12

How did the content change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the content is being communicated more effectively in the re-edited version?

• I brought the argument to the previous points. I added more stats about the STD rates in communities with a lot of purity pledges and I cited my sources in a google doc.

How did the form change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the form is presenting the content more effectively in the re-edited version?

• I added my suggestions to the problem and cited California as the first state to mandate a complete comprehensive sex ed system.